ROOM 101 (FOOD EDITION)

I feel like ranting about what grosses me out.

So in the spirit of one of my favourite shows Room 101, where guests are invited to banish three of their least favourite things to a room and never to be seen again, I’ve decided to do my own.

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Because I’m a miserable person and I like to rant.

So in this post I am going to throw three of my least favourite ingredients into Room 101 and hopefully they will never cross my Kitchen countertop ever again.

FOOD 1Cheese & Gravy

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Why do people combine these things? It absolutely flabbergasts me. And no, I won’t even make an expectation for cauliflower cheese to be on a Sunday roast. Dairy has NO place next to gravy. I have been revolted so many times on nights out watching people have their chips coated in a canned, chunky gravy with a scaly layer of skin on and then covered in ashy morsels of wood-chip pieces of cheese. I’ve never understood it.

I remember a foodie friend of mind ordering this on a drunken night out in London and he explained to me that it’s basically a ‘poutine’ which is a Canadian dish of French fries, tossed with cheese bites and then coated in a very thing gravy. Sure. Sounds better when it’s given a fancy name, doesn’t it?

But right now you’re holding a plastic container of solid chips with a clumpy gravy smeared in prepacked, pre-grated cheese.

And it looks and smells atrocious.

FOOD 2Dill

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Lord knows I tried my best with this but I just cannot get my head around it. It tastes like a filthy feather. I remember buying my first packet of dill maybe four or five years ago to have with some salmon and avocado on toast when I was trying to desperately show off for a partner at the time.

I didn’t just sprinkle the dill on top No sir. I mashed it into the avocado so that there was no point of return. Took one bite and realised what a mistake I had made.

It’s just SO bitter and so heavily flavoured with that liquorice, aniseed punch that just makes my brain pickle. Disgusting.

FOOD 3Chinese Takeaway

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Now let me preface this by saying that this is not banishing Chinese food to Room 101. Chinese food is actually fantastic. The combination of sweet and savoury dishes? Chinese food has it down to an art. What I’m banishing to Room 101, is the Chinese Takeaway meal.

This has nothing to do with health. Nor does it have anything to do with the whole ‘because I can cook, I don’t order takeaway’ logic. I happen to like a takeaway pizza once in a blue moon and enjoy eating Indian takeaway when I’m with a large group of friends.

But a Chinese Takeaway looks so revolting and unappetising. I cannot think of anything worse. Particularly how the UK has totally bastardised what a Chinese meal is by throwing a mountain of lukewarm chips on the side of it and coating in some shiny “sweet’n’sour” nonsense.

And the chicken balls? A tiny fingernail side piece of chicken coated in a flabby crust of fat. My God. I can’t think of anything worse. Not even in my deepest hangover. It’s greasy, it’s sloppy, it’s crunchy in the wrong places, the crispy beef tastes like battered and fried Argos pens and the rice contains some sort of eggy custard coating that tastes like a savoury Muller yogurt.

It’s a no from me and it belongs in Room 101.

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So that’s what I’m banishing away and never to be seen again. A world without Chips/Cheese/Gravy, Dill and Chinese Takeaway is a world I would like to live in.

Stay tuned for another Room 101 coming soon about Kitchen Utensils where I banish away three items that I should have never wasted my money on.

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